Things I'd rather do than get my wisdom teeth out

I just went through this rite of passage on Monday, and I'm not impressed.

Wisdom tooth surgery recovery has been sapping all my strength this week, so this is what we’re left with for today’s newsletter. I’ve been trying to laugh through the pain, but apparently I’m a huge wimp so it’s been a struggle! Enjoy this list of atrocities I’d rather endure than go through this tooth nonsense again.

1. listen to my husband’s alarm go off for an hour

2. eat a big helping of tuna casserole (hey, at least I can eat)

3. clean the car seat after the baby’s poop escaped his diaper

4. get COVID

5. watch Independence Day 2

6. talk to someone who likes Game of Thrones better than LOTR

7. watch helplessly while my 2 y.o. unfolds two baskets’ worth of clean laundry

8. take care of my husband when he has a cold

9. touch a bug (within reason)

10. publicly misuse an apostrophe

11. give birth (this list is semi-satirical but I’m fully serious about this one. Giving birth gets you a BABY. Also, you get to EAT as soon as you’re done.)

12. write a goofy list as a means of complaining to the void and anyone else who will listen

As a bonus, here are some things I’d rather get my wisdom teeth out than do: eat a vegan bean-based brownie (not worth being able to eat), bathe a cat, pare down my book collection, use an e-reader

Thank you for indulging me. Here’s to vestigial mandibular outcroppings and modern dentistry. And God willing, next time you hear from me I will no longer be whining about this!

O pudding, cursed may you be among snack foods.