Things I’d rather do than have bedbugs
We discovered the little suckers on Sunday night and I have not been coping well.
Oh, externally? I’ve morphed into a laundry machine and a ruthless steamer of blood-sucking insects. Internally, I’m curled up into a little ball crying and begging someone, anyone, to send me a million dollars so my family and I can ditch this house and everything in it.
The first newsletter I wrote in this format was after I got my wisdom teeth out. It seemed in some way to alleviate the misery of the experience—so I think it will be my tradition every time something terrible happens to me.
Without further ado, a list of terrible things I’d rather do than have bedbugs:
Get my wisdom teeth out
Fight Shelob once a year
Try to make sourdough bread again
Watch my husband compete in a spelling bee
Lend a hobo a book from my home library
Be pregnant through the summer
Eat a raw mushroom
Do all my Christmas shopping the week before Christmas
Eat green bean casserole (Happy Thanksgiving!)
Gift wrap a cat
Compete in the Triwizard tournament as a Muggle
Things I would rather have bedbugs than do: retake my music history class from college, read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, listen to all my kids’ broken musical toys on a loop, use the restroom at a public park
Dear reader, thanks for shouldering some of this burden for me.
Have you ever had bedbugs? Tell me your unsettling pest stories so I can feel better!
So we’ve never had bed bugs and this sounds really awful! So much work!
Can I tell another creepy crawly story instead?
This spring we went on a lovely hike with my father in law. We had a fantastic time, but when we got back to the car we realized we were crawling with ticks. We had to remove clothing and shake everything out. Then we went out for pizza. Somehow ticks were still falling of us on the floor of the pizza shop. Super hard to be discreet. Don’t mind us! We’re just parasite infested.
Prayers for you and your family as you do this good work!
There was a family at Calvary that either got bed bugs or fleas they had to have the house fumigated